You captured the agony well. Its been 15 months for me, after smoking Cannabis for 18 years. I found MA online, have been going for the last few weeks on Zoom. Here is the link for meetings

https://marijuana-anonymous.org/find-a-meeting/

There is also a book, Life with Hope, for MA.

This time it will work, I no longer want the feeling I used to desire so much. I now want the sober feeling more than the other, I just don't want to feel that good anymore, strange as that sounds. Mostly, because it comes with a price, and it isn't as good as it seems. Blessings, thanks for sharing.